woensdag 5 november 2008

Nation's homeless immediately call on Barack Obama to deliver on his campaign pledges

There is no doubt that Barack Obama managed to galvanize a very diverse coalition of voters. And in this coalition of hope, America's homeless have distinguished themselves as the most demanding of all these voters, as they made themselves heard all day, calling on the president-elect to fulfill his promise of bringing change to the country.

"We understand the president-elect doesn't yet have access to the vaults of the Treasury," says Boris Jackson, a former auto worker who ended up in the gutters of Detroit after GM fired him. "But surely, he's been a US Senator for four full years now. I'm positive the man has at least a nickel or two to spare for us, in his pockets." Marlon Johnson, who had a convenience store for people who enjoy gunning pineapples with 20-gauge shotguns before the economic downturn forced him out of his shop and his house, echoes the demands of his comrade of simmering and icy days: "Barack promised us change. Normally, we have to beg all day long, get spat on and suffer extreme cold for a few lousy coins. During Obama's campaign, we were promised our change on huge twenty by twenty billboards. Can you blame us for being demanding, now he's won?"

The homeless, who have loosely associated around their common expectation, have no real plans for action if Obama fails to deliver on his promise. "We thought about a farting march. We'd steal all the beans we could muster from Walmart, and then march through Obama's neighbourhood in an outcry of gas. But some of pointed out that that seemed like a rather adolescent way of voicing our discontent." But Obama should be warned: America's homeless are in no way prepared to see their hopes flounder. "We've got a few tricks up our sleeve, for sure. Us homeless, we're more vital to a healthy society than most folks think. What if we quit tripping hoodlums, who are scurrying away with an old lady's handbag, with our filthy wooden crutches? We find great joy in such things, mind you, but we'll deprave ourself of that particular avenue of pleasure with great self-discipline, if need be. And we'll think of other things, oh yes!" says Gary Folkson, the self-proclaimed intellectual and political leader of the homeless association.

Editorial Note: The improvised association of Homeless for Change just announced they fired Gary Folkson as their spokesperson, this apparantly because "he's a paternalistic, arrogant, tedious son of a bitch. Plus, he accidentily set fire to a whole box of powdered milk. How dumb can you get?"

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